Chain Saw Masacre.

Last night, to my horror, I noticed these bright orange 'cut here' stripes on this huge, healthy tree in front of my house.

And this morning, after two guys and a chainsaw had at her, this is what remains. I've been trying to contain my emotions since the devastation of the recent BP / Deepwater Horizon oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, but this somehow just scratched off the carefully constructed scab I was pretending to have. Suddenly I had to throw my hands in the air and admit to anyone listening that I was officially in a pissy, no-turning-back, seriously horrific mood at the apparent unstoppable tide of dip-shittery committed against Nature at the hands of the imbecilic human. At times, there seems to be no stopping it. Even when filled to the brim with optimism after hiking through millions of acres of pristine wilderness, there's always some idiot with a chainsaw reminding you that man will always find a way to deface this planet. And for some reason today, it just got the best of me. I crumbled like a burning oil rig. Because I have the best husband on this big blue orb, he actually came home from work this morning when they were cutting the tree down. I called him. I felt like I was going crazy listening to the chainsaw's teeth tearing through each monstrous branch, tree parts cracking like shattered bones falling to the earth while birds and squirrels looked on with horror. And I am not being dramatic. They watched the entire thing. Aaron stood on the curb and asked a simple question- "Diseased?" The logging men said no. The homeowner wanted the trees to be more "bushy".... In fact, I hadn't realized that two much larger trees in the backyard were also slated for mutilation. They're gone now. By then I was far too depressed to take pictures. This was no tree trimming. This was Jack the Ripper, arbor-version.

I literally felt like I wanted to kill someone, and as I seethed I became more and more despondent. So I realized I had a choice. I could either go mad with fury at a situation over which I had absolutely no control.

Or I could try to get it together and focus on some things entirely within my control. Things in harmony with Nature. Like, for instance, this flock of Evening Grossbeaks who have so beautifully graced my yard for the past week.

Their presence is breath-taking. Here's a female sharing the feeder with some tiny Pine Siskins.

And some Goldfinches who are in all their fancy glory this time of year, with neon yellow plumage to impress the ladies.

I contemplated the fact that I will never, on my own little property, hack down trees for no reason. This is a fact that will never change. These trees will always be here for these animals. I can control that. I can rely on that.

There will always be aspects of this world, things which make us want to tear our hair out, which will be beyond our reach, our sphere of influence.

But the healing balm will forever be what we can do. How we can make a difference. Where we can help.

After hours of feeling wracked with sadness today, I chose to focus on my own personal love of and commitment to Mother Nature throughout my life. Past, present, and future. I have always devoted my life to her.

And limping though she may be, she chose to fortify me today when I needed her most. Two forces, working together. I lift you up. You lift me up. Like any other cherished relationship.

That's just how Nature works. That's just how important Gaia is. Without her... we're empty.